i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
