THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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