And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
