I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
