Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
