dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
