Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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