I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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