bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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