Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
