Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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