I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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