you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
