Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
