I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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