I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
