I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
