Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
