Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
