You made me cry and you don't even care
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i think my cat just said my name.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
