Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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