I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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