Pants 0. Shit 1.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
