puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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