Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
