I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
