Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
