I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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