I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
