She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
