Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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