This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
