am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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