Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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