I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Holy shit dude........stairs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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