did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
