hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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