You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
