I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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