guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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