it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
