my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
