Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
