So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
