You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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