what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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