so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
