I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
