I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
