He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
