So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
