Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
