I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
