Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
