shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
