it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize