White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
