I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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