"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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