My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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