I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
...so i touched it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
