There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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