dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
