my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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