i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?