I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?