Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
