quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
