I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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