five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
