roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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