Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think a kid would responsible me up
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
