Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
